Somewhere between “what’s your love language” and the relationship podcast trend, couples discovered the Rice Purity Test. The format is simple. You both take a 100-question survey, you compare scores, and you talk about what came up. The conversation that follows is usually the real point.
It sounds easy on paper. In practice, it can either be one of the best conversations you’ve ever had with your partner, or it can turn into a fight you weren’t expecting. The difference usually comes down to preparation, tone, and a few simple rules that most couples skip.
This guide walks through how to take the Rice Purity Test online with your partner in a way that opens up honest connection rather than awkwardness, jealousy, or comparison. Whether you’ve been together six weeks or six years, the basic framework is the same.
Why So Many Couples Want to Try It
The appeal isn’t really about the number at the end. Most couples who take the test together aren’t looking to find out who has the “purer” past. They’re looking for a structured way to talk about their lives before each other.
A few of the most common reasons couples reach for the test:
It removes the awkward setup. Asking your partner directly about their past can feel intrusive or out of nowhere. The test does the asking for you. You just react to what the questions bring up.
It creates equal footing. Both partners answer the same 100 statements. No one is being interrogated. No one is being put on the spot more than the other.
It feels lighter than a “serious conversation.” The test has a built in playful tone. That makes it easier to start, and easier to laugh through when something unexpected comes up.
It surfaces topics that don’t usually come up. Most couples talk about their work, family, future plans, and inside jokes. They rarely walk through their full personal history. The test pulls that out gently.
Before You Start: Three Things to Agree On
This part matters more than the test itself. Couples who jump straight in without setting a few ground rules are the ones who end up regretting it. Take five minutes before you start to talk through the following.
1. Decide What You’re Actually Sharing
The test gives you a final score out of 100. That doesn’t mean you have to share which specific questions you checked. Talk first about whether you want to share only the total number, share the categories of experiences, or talk through specific questions if you feel like it.
Most couples find that sharing the total score and a few specific stories works better than going line by line. You get the openness without anyone feeling cross examined.
2. Agree on the Spirit of the Conversation
Are you taking the test out of curiosity, for fun, or to deepen your understanding of each other? Naming the intention out loud helps both of you keep the right frame. If one of you secretly wants to “test” the other and the other thinks it’s a game, you’re already in trouble.
3. Agree That No Question Is Off Limits, But Every Answer Is Optional
You can ask each other anything during or after the test. You can also decline to answer anything. That balance keeps the conversation honest without making either of you feel cornered.
Three Ways Couples Actually Take the Test Together
There’s no single correct method. Different couples prefer different formats based on how comfortable they already are with each other.
Option 1: Separate Devices, Then Compare
You each take the test on your own phone, in the same room, without watching each other. When you both finish, you flip your phones around at the same time and reveal your scores.
This is the most popular format because it preserves privacy on the answers themselves while still creating a shared moment. The “reveal” is part of the fun.
Option 2: Take It Together on One Screen
You sit next to each other and go through the questions one by one, answering out loud and discussing as you go. This version is more conversational and works best for couples who are already very comfortable sharing.
Two scores still come out of it, but the value here is the back and forth on each question. Be ready for the test to take 30 to 45 minutes instead of the usual 5.
Option 3: Take It Separately on Different Days
You each take the test alone, write your score down, and then bring it to a planned conversation. This works well for long distance couples, or for partners who prefer to process answers privately before sharing.
The advantage of this format is honesty. You’re answering with no one watching, so the score is more likely to reflect what you actually mean rather than what you’d want your partner to see.
When Your Scores Are Very Different
This is the part most couples don’t plan for, and it’s the part that matters most.
If one of you scores 85 and the other scores 40, your first instinct might be to feel something. Maybe surprise, maybe insecurity, maybe protectiveness, maybe a sudden curiosity that didn’t exist before. All of that is normal. None of it is information about your relationship.
A few things worth remembering when scores differ a lot:
The score reflects exposure, not character. Two people with very different scores can have similar values, similar goals, and similar approaches to the relationship they’re in right now. A score is just a count of life experiences up to this point. It says nothing about what kind of partner someone is today.
Age, geography, and timing matter. Someone who moved away for college at 18 will have different exposure than someone who lived at home through their early 20s. Someone who grew up in a large city will have had different opportunities than someone who grew up in a small town. The numbers don’t account for any of that.
You weren’t together yet. Whatever your partner did before you met happened in a separate chapter of their life. Holding it against them now isn’t fair, and treating it as relevant to the present is usually a sign of insecurity rather than honest concern. For more on how the test is and isn’t meaningful, our piece on whether the Rice Purity Test actually measures innocence is worth reading.
Don’t ask questions you don’t want answered. If a 25 point gap is going to bother you no matter what the story behind it is, don’t push for the story. Sit with your reaction first. Decide if you actually need more detail, or if you’re just looking for something to react to.
Conversations the Test Can Open Up
The best part of taking the test as a couple isn’t the score. It’s everything that comes after. Some of the conversations that tend to surface:
How you each grew up. Questions about parties, friend groups, and social experiences often lead to stories about how each of you spent your teenage years. That context is useful for understanding why your partner reacts to certain things the way they do.
What you each consider risky. Two people can have similar scores but very different feelings about which experiences “counted” as a big deal. The test gives you a way to find out where your comfort zones overlap and where they don’t.
What you’ve each grown out of. Some of the checked boxes describe things you’d never do again. Talking about those decisions is one of the most useful parts of the conversation, because it tells you how each of you thinks about change and regret.
What you want in the future. Once the past is on the table, the future often comes up naturally. The test can be a quiet entry point into bigger conversations about commitment, lifestyle, and what you each see coming next.
Things to Avoid While Taking the Test Together
A few common mistakes that turn the experience sour:
- Don’t keep score in a literal sense. The “winner” of a Rice Purity comparison doesn’t exist. Framing it that way ruins the conversation before it starts.
- Don’t ambush your partner. Springing the test on them while they’re tired, stressed, or distracted is a setup for a bad outcome. Plan it like any other meaningful conversation.
- Don’t push for specifics they aren’t offering. If your partner shares their score but doesn’t want to walk through individual questions, that’s a complete answer. Pressing harder turns the test into an interrogation.
- Don’t bring up the score later as ammunition. Whatever comes up in the conversation should stay in the conversation. Throwing a number back at your partner during an unrelated argument breaks the trust the test was supposed to build.
- Don’t lie on your own answers. Padding your score to match your partner’s, or to look “better,” defeats the entire point. The value of the test is honesty. Without that, you’re just exchanging fictional numbers.
When You Probably Shouldn’t Take It Together
The test isn’t right for every couple, or every moment in a relationship. A few situations where it’s worth waiting or skipping it entirely.
Very early in dating. If you’ve been together for a few weeks, sharing a detailed score might create intimacy you haven’t earned yet. The test works best when you already have some trust to fall back on.
During or right after a fight. Doing this when one of you is upset is asking for trouble. Wait for a calmer day.
When one of you has a history of jealousy. If past experiences are a sore subject, the test will only make that worse. Address the underlying pattern first.
If you’re hoping it will fix something. The test can spark good conversations, but it isn’t couples therapy. If there’s a real issue in the relationship, talk about that directly instead of routing through a quiz.
Different Versions for Different Ages
The standard 100 question test is written with college aged adults in mind, but if you and your partner are younger or older, there are tailored versions that read more naturally. The version for 20 year olds sticks closest to the original, while the test for younger teens removes adult content and focuses on age appropriate experiences.
For couples in their late 20s or 30s, the original test still works, but expect more of the boxes to be checked. That’s normal. Our look at how Rice Purity Test scores typically vary by age gives a clear picture of what’s average for different life stages.
After the Test: What to Actually Do With What You Learned
Once the scores are on the table and the initial conversation has happened, you have a choice. You can let the whole thing sit, treat it as a fun moment in your relationship, and move on. Or you can use it as a starting point for ongoing honesty.
Couples who get the most out of the test usually take the second path. Not by revisiting the score, but by using the openness it created to talk about other things more honestly. The test isn’t the destination. It’s the first step on a longer conversation.
If you want a deeper sense of what the numbers actually mean and how they’re interpreted, the breakdown of the standards used for Rice Purity scores is a good follow up read.
Take the Test Together
You can take the Rice Purity Test online for free, with full anonymity and no sign up. The test runs entirely in your browser, no answers are stored, and your score is yours to keep, share, or compare however you want.
If you and your partner are taking it together for the first time, set aside a quiet evening, agree on your ground rules, and treat the conversation that follows as the main event. The number itself is just the prompt.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is the Rice Purity Test a good idea for new couples?
It can be, but only after you’ve established some trust. Taking the test in the first few weeks of dating tends to share more than the relationship is ready for. Most couples find it works best somewhere between three and six months in, when honest conversations already feel comfortable.
What if my partner refuses to take the test?
Respect that completely. The test should always be voluntary. If your partner doesn’t want to take it, the question isn’t really about the test, it’s about why they’re uncomfortable. Talk about that instead, without pressure.
Should we share which specific questions we checked?
Only if you both want to. Sharing the total score is usually enough to start a meaningful conversation. Going question by question can feel forensic and is rarely necessary. Stick to what feels natural.
My score is much higher than my partner’s. Should I be worried?
No. A higher score just means you’ve had fewer of the experiences on the list. It doesn’t make you less mature, less worldly, or any less of a partner. The numbers are descriptive, not evaluative.
My score is much lower than my partner’s. Should I hide it?
No. Hiding it sets up an honesty problem for the future. A lower score reflects more exposure to certain experiences before you met, nothing more. If your partner can’t handle that without judgment, that’s a conversation worth having, but not by hiding numbers.
Can the Rice Purity Test ruin a relationship?
The test itself can’t. What can cause problems is taking it carelessly, weaponizing the results, or using it as a way to confirm suspicions you already had. Healthy couples have used it for years without issue. The same is true of any honest conversation. The result depends on how it’s handled.
How long should the conversation after the test take?
Some couples talk for 15 minutes and move on. Others end up in a two hour conversation that drifts into every adjacent topic. Both are fine. Let it go as long as it naturally wants to, and stop when it feels finished.
Is the test private when we take it online?
Yes. The version on this site doesn’t require sign up, doesn’t store individual answers, and doesn’t connect your score to any personal information. Your responses stay between you and your partner, exactly as they should.
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